Reality hits hard, but I hit harder.

A little background check is in order, here, on this first posting. This is like the Introduction in a novel, in other words, the part nobody reads. So, don't feel obligated.

Several years ago I decided that I want to be a nurse when I grow up. And not just any kind of nurse, but a trauma nurse. At the time I was working at a job that was going nowhere real fast, a job that didn't pay enough to cover my living expenses. I took a good, long look around and decided that I needed a career, something with options, something that I could utilize anywhere, something that paid a decent salary. After much soul-searching, and long talks with folks in the profession, I decided on nursing. It wasn't as arbitrary a decision as it sounds. A million years ago when I was in high school, I was actively involved in Health Occupations Students of America, and had worked as a nursing assistant for a while after school. So, I like to think I've come full circle.

The program I was initially looking at had a 2-3 year waiting list and required CNA certification. I got on the list, and got certified as a CNA. Then I decided to get my EMT certification. That's when the fun really started. Turns out I'm an adrenaline junkie ... who knew!? One little drama led to another and last fall (2007) I ended up moving to a different state to attend a university that offers an accelerated program for 2nd degree students. The move rendered my CNA and EMT certifications useless - unusable in the state where I now live. The move also put me in a place where I knew no one, had no friends, no job and no money. My long distance bill was insane those first few months. And I seriously cried every single day, sometimes more than once.

My first two semesters at school have been interesting in so many ways that it's impossible to back track here and document all the things that initially freaked me out. Let it suffice to say that I have felt very much like a stranger in a strange land. And when I'm feeling really homesick, I become particularly surly where the native inhabitants are concerned. Yes, I am that obnoxious person - the one that other people tell to, "Just go back home if you don't like it here." On the positive side, I've discovered my super hero power of invisibility - if you don't believe me, take your 4o-year-old self for a walk on a university campus and notice how many of the 20-year-olds SEE YOU.

My pre-requisites are finished (well, almost. i have 2 final exams to take) and I officially start in the College of Nursing (CON) in 2 weeks. It's hard to believe that I'm finally starting. It seems like I've been trying to make this happen FOREVER. The current nursing shortage isn't due to a lack of interest in the profession, believe me! It's due to a lack of educators to accommodate all of us who are interested in the profession. The program I am starting accepted 120 students out of over 500 qualified applicants. I'm proud to be one of The Chosen. I'm also terrified. And I very much feel the weight of not only my expectations for myself, but also the weight of knowing that if I do not do well I will be letting down a lot of people who have supported me and propelled me forward. And I will also be letting down the 380+ people who did not get accepted this year. And I really don't want to do that.

So here is where I will document my experience. I hope to post here often so that when I finish school (or school finishes me) I can look back at where I started and wonder, "What the hell was I thinking?" with a smile on my face. This blog is for me, I am not writing for others, but if others happen to read along, that's okay. I can only hope anyone else might find it inspiring, amusing, or at the very least, a useful warning.